The List

Things We Shall Eschew:

- Union Jack printed paraphernalia
- Anything to do with Jane Austen. I’m sure the books are very clever and witty, but it’s hard to notice amongst all the snoozing. The movies are much better. I’m not entirely sure how that works.
- Berets. (I can’t speak for The Pants on this one.)
- Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin, Apple, et al. We know they eagerly await our arrival, but I don’t see how we’ll fit them in.
- Loch Ness. Oh please, let me travel for hours to see a big lake that may or may not house a big fish. Boo-urns.
- The IRA, hopefully. We don’t want no trouble.
- Beefeaters. It’s just weird.


Things We Shall Embrace:

- Our cousin Tara when we arrive in London.
- Portobello Market (We’ll refrain from singing.)
- Wellington Boots
- Th’moors
- Th'sheep
- Tramping about th’moors in Wellington boots whilst herding th'sheep.
- Anything to do with the Brontes. Wind wuthering ‘round a draughty auld mansion? Hoo-ah!
- People who sell us cheap food.
- Rosslyn Chapel. But NOT because of its mention in a poorly written, over-hyped crap book.
- Saying "Och, aye" a whole lot.
- Irish pubs due to the sheer volume.
- The sea
- Parler en francais. Mais pas exactament.
- Yeats’s grave, hopefully. But not literally. That would be weird.